Hi Friends,
I hope this newsletter finds you well. At this point, the coronavirus is still reigning around the world, however, we are starting to see hope with the vaccinations. I miss my classes because I believe that one of the best ways to connect with people is through meaningful conversations.
Although most people can hold a conversation, only a few are smooth and charismatic when they speak. Here’s the good news; you don’t have to be a born with wonderful oral skills, you can actually learn them.
Here is a general truth about any conversation: it’s about connection and not perfection.
Working as a language coach and a former Toastmaster, I have discovered that you can learn seven simple and effective ways to be a smooth speaker.
1. Talk slowly
Talking too quickly can make you look nervous and unsure of yourself. People often skip important details because their mind is speeding like a race car to fill in the blanks. Skillful communicators don’t rush into a conversation. They take their time to reflect on their words before uttering them out loud. They come off as centered and collected.
When I speak German, I find I have to remind myself to slow down and think about what it is I am trying to communicate. Not that I always succeed in doing, so but I know it makes the conversation more intelligible. (Read: I’m still working on this point).
2. Use the 50/70 eye contact rule
You should maintain eye contact 50% of the time when speaking and 70% of the time for listening. Here’s what I know for sure: people love to be seen. A great way to make another person feel valued is to give them your full attention by looking at them directly in the eyes when they are talking.
3. Notice the details
People with good conversation skills tend to notice the kind of things that the average person doesn’t notice and bring such details into the conversation. For example, they may notice and point out an interesting ring on the other person’s hand, a certain foreign accent, or even an interesting fact about the other person.
When you point this out and ask a question such as “I’ve noticed a slight accent, where are you from?” This makes the other person to feel special and encourages her to share her story. If you didn’t already know it, people love to talk about themselves.
4. Give unique compliments
The old saying goes, flattery gets you everywhere. Charismatic people are able to really pay attention to others, look beyond the facade and pay unique compliments. But it’s got to be sincere and not just to build up the other person’s ego to win favors. If you really admire a trait or talent a person has, let him know. I like to compliment on people’s English skills because it a mini confidence booster. It makes them feel like all the hard work learning the language paid off.
5. Express your emotions
In some cultures, expressing emotions is taboo. In any case, it is rare to meet a person who is comfortable talking about their emotions, especially with strangers. We are humans, however, not robots programmed to repeat facts and figures.
You can express your feelings in a simple way. For example, if you were talking about global warming, you can mention that you are fear for our children’s future. Keep in mind that it is at the emotional level that people connect best.
6. Offer interesting insights or ask a question
Anybody can blather about the news or express basic opinions, but can you add some more information to the subject? Those who read a lot about self-improvement, fostering good relationships, or have knowledge in fields such as psychology or sociology often add interesting insights to a conversation.
If you don’t much about the current topic at hand, ask the person to explain more by being inquisitive. Most people are happy to impart their knowledge. Questions are a good way to keep a conversation interesting.
7. Use the best words
The ability to talk smoothly has a lot to do with choosing the words to convey your feelings or thoughts. Constantly develop your vocabulary and practice communicating as accurately as possible. It will help you develop a way with words and allow you to express yourself more easily.
Conversational skills don’t improve overnight. It takes time, practice, and the ability to be open.
Considering that your relationships and social life constitute one of the fundamental components of your life, I believe it is worth embarking on a long-term journey of mastering the art of conversation. You won’t regret it.
Over to you
Are you a skillful conversationalist or does talking with strangers make you nervous? Please leave a comment and let me know. I’d love to hear from you.
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